Dispatches from the Riverdale Register: "Halloween II"
Halloween night is when you let your mask slip, but is everyone in Riverdale ready for their secret to be revealed?
Halloween II (1981) is not a movie I particularly enjoy. It is a sequel to one of the greatest horror movies of all time, so it was always going to have big shoes to fill. It’s a movie that was made with no great love from its originators, John Carpenter and Debra Hill. And it introduces a plot point that has always divided the fanbase (spoilers for an ancient slasher franchise): the revelation that killer Michael Mayers and heroine Laurie Strode are brother and sister.
Thankfully, “Halloween II” the Riverdale episode is highly enjoyable. It is ostensibly a sequel to Season 4’s episode “Halloween”, but where that episode was explicitly an homage to Halloween (1978) and other slashers, “Halloween II” pulls from pulpier, B movie sources. This episode, from the production and costume design to the writing, directing and performances, was clearly made with great love. Where it does relate to Halloween II is how it pivots on secrets, and the potential revelation of those secrets.
Cheryl and Midge, who are best friends in this universe in a way that never really came across in the OG universe, have a Halloween tradition of hosting a sleepover with the other River Vixens. Midge wants out this year so she can see Fangs perform at Veronica’s ghost show at the Babylonium (more on that later). Cheryl has also been asked to perform in the ghost show by Toni, but she initially rejects that in favor of blandly acceptable conformity.
After recognizing in Midge a deeper need that relates to Cheryl’s own—both Midge and Cheryl have a secret they’d like to confess—Cheryl and Midge decide to both pretend they have fallen ill and pass River Vixen duties off to Evelyn Evernever. By the end of the episode, Midge has revealed she’s pregnant and Cheryl has revealed her relationship with Toni by kissing her during the ghost show performance. Midge and Cheryl are supportive of one another…but Evelyn overhears them being supportive at Pop’s. Dun dun! Alice Cooper also was snooping on Veronica’s show, but I forget if she saw the Cheryl and Toni kiss or not. Either way, I’m sure these former Farmies are up to no good.
Veronica’s secret—that her parents have cut her off and she is now living in the Babylonium—is deduced by Kevin and Clay, but she refuses to admit it, insisting that the Pembrooke is closed for renovations. It’s still a mystery exactly why the Lodge parents suck in this universe, but Veronica’s reverent ofrenda and her mournful look at a photo of the family in happier days is keeping me intrigued.
Jughead’s keeping the biggest secret of all - Ethel has escaped from the Sisters of Quiet Mercy! Let’s dive in to the most forward movement we’ve had on the milkman mystery.
My secret Ethelhead heart rejoiced when I saw that Jughead was finally calling Ethel, although it sunk again when I realized he only reached out because he now had reason to believe Ethel’s story about the milkman. She’s still your friend, Jughead! You should’ve been talking to her all along! After catching Ethel up, Jughead hilariously tries to stop everyone in Riverdale High from drinking milk, although I’m pretty sure the milk’s not what’s killing people, Jug.
While a lot else has been shaken up in the 1950s timeline, the Sisters of Quiet Mercy are consistent. Not only is Sister Woodhouse still in charge, and still played by the same actress (Beverly Breuer), but the escape tunnels are still there. Hooray!
Ethel convinces Jughead that the author of the original The Milkman Cometh comic might know something about the murders, and Jughead agrees to bring Ethel in disguise to the Pep Comics Halloween party, hoping they can find the original author. Jughead finally talks to someone who knows who wrote The Milkman Cometh, but unfortunately the writer—Ted Sullivan—is dead. He died in an apparent suicide, in a manner identical to Brad Raybury. We also learn from this person at the party that The Milkman Cometh was a radical critique of America, man. The enemy isn’t the Russians or the commies, this man says, it’s Us. Two things: I love when Riverdale spells out the subtext, and I really hope that we get a deep dive into the plot of this comic next episode!
Whoever the Milkman is, he has it out for Ethel. In Betty/Archie/Reggie’s subplot, they break into Ethel’s house. Betty and Archie are about to finally hook up when Betty sees the Milkman in the window and gets spooked. I’m excited that someone outside of Jughead’s orbit has seen the creepy milkman now. Will Betty help sleuth? Pretty pretty please!
Jughead has decided it’s not safe for Ethel to stay with him and has her stay in Raybury’s apartment. We see that the milkman is hiding in the dark room, oh shit! Luckily, Jughead quickly realizes Ethel’s in danger when our favorite cat lady next door asks about the milk again. When Jughead opens the door, it’s not Ethel he finds dead—it’s the milkman! Ethel stabbed him! But I’m not so sure his reign of terror is over…this is Joseph Svenson all over again.
Who’s the man behind the Milkman? The obvious answer is the Shadowy White Man Cabal (Principal Featherhead, Dr. Werthers, Clifford Blossom, maybe Frank Andrews). Other fans have zeroed in on minor recurring character Bernie, the assistant at Pep Comics. Something about him finally felt sus in this episode. I looked up the actor playing him, and it turns out he is played by Jesse Goldwater, grandson of Archie Comics co-founder John L. Goldwater, who we last talked about for his role in the self-censorious Comics Code Authority. This could just be a lovely in-joke, but it feels significant. If John L. Goldwater and the original Archie Comics stand for romanticized, sanitized America papering over the dark underbelly, then surely there is something to his descendent possibly playing someone wreaking havoc on an imperfect facsimile of that wholesome 1950s fantasy.
Stray observations
Ted Sullivan, who wrote The Milkman Cometh, is named after a Riverdale writer.
We have some more 1950s car culture/teenage tragedy song allusions in this episode. The reason the town of Riverdale apparently doesn’t celebrate Halloween night is because four teenagers died in a car crash after a night of Halloween mischief. This feels like the origin for a lot of good campfire ghost stories.
They used the Creepshow font again!
I couldn’t find any historic precedent for Veronica’s definition of a ghost show, but I’ll just chalk that up to her being extra about always including live performances at her venues. And it actually fits more at the movie theater Babylonium than it ever did at the casino Babylonium.
I still haven’t seen Damien Chazelle’s Babylon (2022), but the fact that Veronica’s ghost show is clearly referencing it puts it to the top of my must watch list.
Also referenced of course is The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975). Invoking Rocky Horror is obviously perfect, with this season’s deep cut references to pulp and B movies, as well as that being Veronica’s theatrical distribution model. Anyone who is mad about them singing “Rose Tint My World/Don’t Dream It, Be It” because it’s anachronistic can bite me.
Speaking of that number, Veronica’s Marlene Dietrich in Morocco (1930) look is hot.
More costume comments: Reggie as Buck Rogers is adorable. Jughead as a hobo is perfect.
KJ Apa is seriously so damn precious this season. I love his performance as virginal Archie being nervous around Betty, as contrasted with the original Archie who lost his virginity to a predator and then kind of used sex to cope.
Cheryl explaining to Veronica why Riverdale doesn’t celebrate Halloween: “We don’t embrace All Hallow’s Eve the way they do in Greendale.”
Old time slang word of the week: Doneski
Off-brand product name: Eleven-Up
Real life product names: Buck Rogers isn’t changed to Brick Roberts, surprisingly. Boris Karloff is name-dropped as Veronica’s godfather. And most controversially, Veronica references The Hardy Boys AND NOT The Baxter Brothers, which I am very pissed about. Especially because Betty already referenced Tracy True earlier this season.
Besides the “Ethel stabs the milkman” cliffhanger, we get a second cliffhanger: a car full of Bull Dogs crashed into Sweetwater River! Julian Blossom was driving, and I would welcome him following in the footsteps of his counterpart Jason Blossom. But oh no, Reggie was also in the car! They can’t kill my boy. I’ll be on pins and needles until the show comes back in two weeks. Comment below who you think is really behind the milkman, or any theories about how the Hardy Boys and the Baxter Brothers can co-exist.