There are four more episodes of Riverdale left. Four more chances for me to boot up The CW app on my Roku television and watch something I’ve never seen before. I am sad for Riverdale to be ending; I am eager to see the finale; I am wavering in my faith that the three episodes before the finale will be among my top Riverdale experiences.
I don’t want to feel this way. I want nothing more than to bask in Riverdale’s magic spell. I quickly learned to love the 1950s timeline, I let go any expectations of them returning to their superpowers, and I’m not hung up on this idea of a series finale being made for me. What I want is for the Riverdale creative cohort to tell the story they want to tell, whether that’s a love letter to the comic books or a love letter to the pulpy sheen that has always made this show special. Right now? It doesn’t feel like we’re getting either. Will the 50s-specific mysteries, like the Milkman, be resolved? Will the 50s-specific relationships get closure? And if the answer is “no”, what will we have in their place?
I am asking questions that cannot be answered until August 23rd. Until then, let me grab a milkshake from Pop’s, lay my blanket down by Sweetwater River, and gush about the return of Polly Cooper.
Polly Cooper is a tragic figure in Riverdale prime. She is first cast as a cautionary tale for our hero Betty Cooper, molded as such by her parents, Alice and Hal. In Season One, when we first meet Polly, she has been sent away to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy for the crime of getting pregnant while teenage. Despite her imprisonment, Polly is vibrant, manic with joy and defiance about her plans to elope with Jason Blossom and raise their twin babies on The Farm. Polly doesn’t feel burdened by tragedy—her teen pregnancy isn’t one, in her eyes. Betty has to break the news that Jason is dead—murdered—and it is in this moment that Polly begins to be defined by tragedy.
Polly is not a broken person because she is sexually active. Rather, she is a broken person because of her treatment at the hands of her controlling parents. Unfortunately, abused people are easily sniffed out by other abusers, and Polly falls in with a cult (The Farm) and eventually sex work. Again, sex work itself isn’t the problem, but Polly is so used to love being conditional and her once-vibrant attitude has been worn down over the years through repeated manipulation. Her foray into sex work with the Ghoulies is fraught because no one is looking out for her, not even herself. She is murdered and almost forgotten, as so many sex workers are, if not for Betty’s dogged pursuit. She is resurrected in Season Six, to show us that she and Jason did get a happy ending in the afterlife.
Season Seven Polly Cooper has a different happy ending, one that doesn’t have to come from death. In this iteration, Polly split the unhappy Cooper home as soon as she was able to hoof it on Broadway. While she doesn’t find success with the Radio City Rockettes, she does become a respected burlesque performer (which is a touch anachronistic for the 1950s, but this is fantasy 1950s anyways). Polly informs Alice and Hal about her career, and they refuse to acknowledge it, causing Polly to go no-contact. But Polly is happy to have Betty in her life, inviting her to be Polly’s maid-of-honor in her upcoming wedding to a stockbroker with the ludicrous name of Langley Huggles.
One of the things that always made me sad about Riverdale was the broken relationship between Polly and Betty as sisters. To be entirely fair to Betty, it would be hard to rebuild that relationship after the complete betrayals of The Farm that Polly was complicit in. Still, if Alice and Hal hadn’t manipulated and controlled their daughters in ways that caused them to never trust family, things might have turned out differently. Season Seven basically proves my theory. Polly is modeling a healthy no-contact relationship with her awful parents, something that Betty desperately needs.
That being said, Betty getting slapped by Alice was kind of played like a shock, but it makes sense since Betty was goading the hell out of Alice. Betty conveys an ambiguous intensity after Alice slaps her—not quite turned on, but not not that either—and I wonder if Dark Betty is coming back at last.
The other, simultaneously best/worst storyline is Archie’s discovery of bisexuality. The good? Bisexual Archie, of course. Archie and Reggie watching a gay porn film together. Julian Blossom low-key shipping Archie and Reggie? Archie and Reggie staying up all night, watching the sunrise, and each saying, “I love you.”
The bad? Boogeyman of Riverdale Mrs. Grundy indirectly kicks this whole thing off. She apparently leads a writer’s workshop for Archie, Betty, and Clay, and teaches them about the Beats. Somehow, Ms. Thornton teaching Arthur Miller was subversive and this is not. Clay, forgetting that he’s in the 1950s and that he’s talking in front of his teacher, just starts mansplaining about the Beats and how they were all having sex with each other. Betty says that sounds like her kind of party, and I was screaming at the television.
If you thought that you could relax because Jumpscare Grundy doesn’t seem to be a predator in this universe (although again, she doesn’t seem to have any issue with her students talking about wanting to get fucked in front of her, so jury’s still out), that means you forgot all about Twyla Twyst!
When Archie and Reggie, who have gotten their hands on a non-gay stag film, are left with blue balls when the film stock catches fire, Archie has what he describes as a “raunchy” idea. Archie, who had earlier learned from Clay about how the male Beats experimented with each other, was surely going to suggest to Reggie that they try some mutual masturbation. But instead, he takes Reggie to Twyla Twyst, who previously appeared this season as a sex worker ready to deflower an unwilling Kevin. She lasciviously asks if Archie and Reggie want to come in at the same time…and we cut. The next time we see Archie and Reggie is at the aforementioned sunrise scene.
My headcanon, to keep me sane, is that teenage Archie and Reggie didn’t go through with sleeping with adult Twyla and just explored each other’s bodies instead.
Meanwhile, Jughead and Mr. Fieldstone fight the incoming Comics Code Authority, which I’ve written about before. I don’t have too much to add about this ongoing plot line. It’s heavy-handed, yes, and is maybe less exciting in an episode full of queer awakenings and burlesque, but I continue to be grateful that Riverdale is hammering home the dishonest motives behind today’s anti-trans crusade. “Protect the children!” the Shadowy White People Cabal cries, but as Jughead counters, “Yeah, you keep saying this, but protected from what?”
Stray observations
There is a delightful visual reference to the Nicole Kidman AMC ad at the beginning of the episode. You love to see it.
Polly’s burlesque name is Polly Amorous, which is incredible.
I didn’t touch on Cheryl and Toni’s subplot, which was a nice slice of Choni fanfic come to life. But it also involved them being incredibly naive. However, I am excited for whatever revenge plan Cheryl has cooked up.
Jeronica makes a late stage return at the end of the episode. WHY.
Reggie to Archie: “I’m horny as heck!”
Old time slang words of the week: “The berries” refers to something that’s the best. Veronica calls Betty a “tickler”, in what seemed like a derogatory way, but I could not track down any definition for this. I know they’ve used “the gringles” before, I think it just means the willies.
Off-brand product name: Not a confirmed off-brand product name, but Femme-and-In magazine, the underground lesbian pinup mag that Lizzo bequeaths to Toni and Cheryl, doesn’t appear to be real.
Real life product names: All the historical figures referenced this episode are real, including Gypsy Rose Lee, the Ziegfeld Follies, Allen Ginsberg and Jack Kerouac. Veronica calls Kevin and Clay the Bobbsey boys, which is a reference to the Bobbsey Twins series published by the Stratemeyer Syndicate (famous for Nancy Drew). Interestingly, there are two sets of Bobbsey twins, each a boy/girl set. Lastly, Jughead references Bullfinch’s Mythology, which was a real book that popularized the Greek Myths.
Before I go, I wanted to share that I returned to the DMV Comic Book Nerds podcast this week, if you want to hear more of my thoughts about this episode. I may or may not appear on future ones!
All of the Polly stuff made me cry. It's everything this character deserved. I'm so proud of her and the writers for concocting that. Also adored the Archie X Reggie stuff. Hooted and hollared TBH.
Thanks for writing up all your heartfelt thoughts on the impending end of this show. You really captured the importance it's held in so many hearts since it started.
Great write-up, as always. Will have to listen to that pod when I get the chance!